Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
Randomize
