1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
I cockslap morals
Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
Sorry about my life...
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
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