Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
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Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
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I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
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