Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
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