She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
Randomize
