Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
