i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
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