Screwed.edu
Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
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