problem. drunk. stepbrother hitting on me again. help.
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
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