Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
