Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
I need water and some morals
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
