he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
If there's anything in this world better than hotboxing in the rain I haven't found it yet.
Agreed
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Randomize
