I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
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