Where did you get a picture of my penis
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
Randomize
