Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
Randomize
