I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
Edward fifth and chaser hands
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
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