Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Randomize
