Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
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