are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
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