i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
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