This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
