Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
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