Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
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