I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
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