When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
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