I got chris browned last night
What's proper 1 nite stand etiquette?
Say hi to his dad and make him some breakfast.
hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
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