the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
If I die, sorry about rent.
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
Randomize
