I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
Randomize
