Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
Randomize
