There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
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