i just snorted my name. best moment ever
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
