Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Randomize
