I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
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