you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
Randomize
