she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
Randomize