and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
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