I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
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