I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
Randomize
