what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Randomize
