Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
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