I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
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