I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
Randomize
