Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
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