Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
Randomize
