Michael Bay diarrhea
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
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