I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
I take back everything I said about communal showers
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
