So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
Randomize
