As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
