is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
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