Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
Randomize
