Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
Randomize
