found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
Randomize
