Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
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