The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
Randomize
