is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Randomize
