So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
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