i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
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