I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
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