I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
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