At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
Randomize