walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
Randomize
