Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
Randomize
