Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
She just used a chaser for red wine.
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
Randomize
