Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
Help. Why am I so naked?
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
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