i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Randomize
