There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
The air taste purple.
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
Randomize
