i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
Randomize
