Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
Rumble strips road head = magical
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Randomize
