My hand turned me down
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
She even gives head with a lisp.
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.