who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
Idk. We dropped acid and Kevin ran away again. We didn't find him for like 3 hours.
Man I wish I had been there
Yah we found him in the pool shed of some elderly couple. They were on the porch watching all of the shenanigans. ...To be young again.
I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.