He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
He's a Shit stain on my heart
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here