Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(602): View more from Arizona

OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now

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(602): OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now http://tfl.nu/twmw

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(732): View more from New Jersey

soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.

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(732): soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm. http://tfl.nu/dqxm

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(902): View more from Pr Edwrd Is, Nva Sctia

Sharpest. Poop. Ever.

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(902): Sharpest. Poop. Ever. http://tfl.nu/efzq

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(319): View more from Iowa

we need to stop having unprotected sex.

(1-319): View more from Iowa

ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.

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(319): we need to stop having unprotected sex. (1-319): ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores. http://tfl.nu/85im

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(732): View more from New Jersey

i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.

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(732): i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is. http://tfl.nu/s7zh

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(816): View more from Missouri

It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea

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(816): It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea http://tfl.nu/zoej

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(909): View more from California

According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack

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(909): According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack http://tfl.nu/ipzj

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(309): View more from Illinois

I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.

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(309): I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season. http://tfl.nu/pxkc

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(281): View more from Texas

I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.

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(281): I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home. http://tfl.nu/pc90

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(716): View more from New York

I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...

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(716): I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life... http://tfl.nu/ae71

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(910): View more from North Carolina

HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!

(910): View more from North Carolina

I THINK I SHARTED

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(910): HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!! (910): I THINK I SHARTED http://tfl.nu/jtux

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(717): View more from Pennsylvania

And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.

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(717): And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes. http://tfl.nu/hx7l

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(956): View more from Texas

WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!

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(956): WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?! http://tfl.nu/nv7y

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(816): View more from Missouri

Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.

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(816): Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on. http://tfl.nu/u2o1

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(209): View more from California

Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island

(209): View more from California

The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have

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(209): Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island (209): The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have http://tfl.nu/kv13

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