I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
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